3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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