there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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