I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
