It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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