when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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