There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
