i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
