I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
