you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have started to decorate penises.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
