so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
