Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
