I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
