Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
