BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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