So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
