He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
