Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
