If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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