Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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