as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
