At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
