I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wear drunk well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
