his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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