if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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