Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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