Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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