she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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