put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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