hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
