I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
