I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
