you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
