Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
