dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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