this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
