And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
