oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
