Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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