New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
