their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
