Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
