Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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