I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
