i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
