Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize