I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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