I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
