i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
