I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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