bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize