How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
