It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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