I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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