The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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