Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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