just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
