I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
