I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
