so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
