So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
