Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
