we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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