How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Boobs speak an international language.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
