When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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