Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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