Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
