it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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