The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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