sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
