I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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