Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
