I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize