Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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