So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this is an emotional support booty call
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
