I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
