ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
