In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
