that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
