At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
