I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
