im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
