Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
