How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
