Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
