I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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