I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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