The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
