We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize