your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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