Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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