We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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