1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
