Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
