He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
