Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
