I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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