I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize