Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
