when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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