Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
