Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
