i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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