I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
