Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
