Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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