my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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